Crappy News, Culture, and Why You Should Care

I'm through watching the 'news'. I'm done. They air nothing that is of any importance to me other than the occasional weather report, which, by the way, doesn't really need to take up 20 minutes of a half hour news cast every night.

I used to talk about the liberal bias in the media, which still exists on the networks, but not so much 24-hour news which is just cluttered with garbage. To be honest, I miss the days of liberal bias. I really do. You can't be biased about the latest tug of war over Anna Nichole's intestines. Stuff like Brittany's baldness, Ann Coulter called John Edwards a f-bomb, Anna Nichole's wormy body, Anna Nichole's wormier boy friends, and more videos of kids sticking their wangs in light sockets just doesn't constitute entertainment or even low brow entertainment for me anymore, much less be something I considered 'news'. I yearn for Dan Rather.

This, all coming from the guy who religiously watches Pro Wrestling more than two nights a week, should say something.

The political correctness in our culture is just utterly out of control. We've had a Jew, a black guy and female all 'convicted' of being homophobes or racists or whatever and two of them are in rehab...or something. It's really not news. I'll be taking bets on who gets to wear the white hood of hilarity next. Today, apparently every one's a target. By the way, am I the only one who finds irony in the fact that the gay community, whose behavior was deemed as a psychological disorder in the 1970s, are now making the same diagnosis of those who don't subscribe to their liberal fundamentalist (see Homophobe) views?

I'm completely tired and done with Anna Nichole Smith. I loved the Playboy issues and what not, but I'm just tired of it all. I'm tired of Greta Van Sustern and Nancy Grace popping up out of her rectum with exclusive pictures of exactly what flavor of Slim Fast she ate before she went belly up in her hotel room. I don't care about the fight over a kid whose entire life at this point, is guaranteed to out do even her mother's, in it's level of train-wreck-ness. I don't care about the kid, nor did I ever care about the sewer that was Anna Nichole's entire life. Her life should be a lesson to the insanely stupid and nothing more, not another excuse for Wolfie Blitzer to hop on into the 'Situation Room'.

Evidently the genius that thought up the whole idea for 24-hour news never considered the fact that 24 hours is just a lot of freaking time to fill up. Stuff that really would never be considered news is now, well, news.

The Print Media is really trying to make sure they're not outdone in their level of non-newsworthy stuff. I mean really trying. Just look at our beloved Springfield Republican Newspaper which today ran a story on Ibuprofen being the best pain killer for kids. If that story doesn't win the earth is flat award, "Cries and Whispers" the most 'un-funny' and non-newsworthy part of the paper, would in a heartbeat. This morning, I learned what Police Commissioner Flynn's favorite comic strip is and that some kid from Westfield State played palm tree no. 624 once on an episode of 'Lost'. Really, the only reason for it's existence is so that the elites in downtown can continue to pretend to be celebrities.

And to think, people honestly wonder why we're so hated in the world. We're not hated because of who we did or didn't colonize five million years ago. We're not hated because we like oil. We're not hated because we like baseball and think soccer is for wussies. We're hated because our country has become a complete and total moral sewer of stupidity where anything is worth talking about, from someone shaving their head, or flashing their genitals in public, to mourning for a situation in where the mother of a child ate a few hundred pills a day and slept with so many men, we don't know who the father is.

Arab terrorists don't hate us for our freedom. They hate us for how we abuse it and make a mockery out of it only to turn around and claim the moral high ground. That's what makes the stories of Michael Richards, Ann Coulter and the black guy from that hospital show thing, so preposterous. The very people who act as loudly inappropriate as they wish are attempting to accuse others of, well, acting as inappropriately as they wish.

Yes, we are in a culture war of sorts, but that may be a little mellow dramatic. That would mean functionally retarded people are moving organized and in unison against the tide of normalcy. People that wear helmets and flash their Pee-Pee's usually aren't capable of such acts, so I try not to give them too much credit. We have some absolutely insane human beings in this country who are getting all the attention and their ridiculous behavior, while probably not inspiring our kids to grab guns and shoot each other in the cha-cha, is inspiring other people to really hate us in other countries and want to shoot us in the cha-cha. Maybe if we were a little less obsessed with our cha-chas, and a little more concerned with how we conduct ourselves as adults, we wouldn't have half the arab world looking to slay the infidel.

I was watching the Grammys a few weeks ago and of course the Dixie Chicks swept the awards because they're totally the best at hating George Bush. In Lead Singer Natalie Mains' acceptance speech she said 'I bet a lot of people are changing the channel'. She then continued to snidely toss her gold record player in everyone's face talking about how courageous she was and how she stood up to us all. Then it sort of dawned on me that the only one who's talking about people talking about Natalie Mains is Natalie Mains, which brings me to the point of this entire rant.

Idiots love attention any way they can get it. To insure you'll keep watching, they'll say more stupid things or remind you of all the stupid things they said before. Unfortunately today, the more retarded you act, the more likely you are to be on TV. The problem is, when we keep letting functionally retarded and emotionally stunted human beings speak for normal folks, it gives you a bad name and it gives me a bad name. It gives our country and our culture a bad name. It's not good for us as people nor as a country. So do yourself a favor and turn these idiots off when they come on TV. The life span of a news story is dictated by the ratings they receive. Hit 'em where it hurts.

Do what I do. Watch pro wrestling.